Reagan has been “into” the Disney Princesses for years now. INTO them. She’s got reading books, coloring books, sticker books, puzzles, dress-up clothes, regular clothes, CDs, movies, toys, dolls, you name it she’s had one with a princess somewhere on it. We even went to Disney World in conjunction with her sixth birthday so she could enjoy meeting the princesses while she was still in that phase.
There was a time when we tried to ban the princesses. It was a couple years ago and we were idealistic thinking that if we told everyone that we weren’t “doing” the princesses that they would stop giving her things with princesses on them. That did not work. And the ban seemed to deepen her interest. Funny how that works. We couldn’t really express why we were banning them. That would lead to more questions.
“Why can’t I have that Princess coloring book?”
“Because we don’t do Princesses?”
“Why don’t we do Princesses?”
“Because they promote the wrong image?”
“What’s an image?” “What’s promote?” “Why don’t we do Princesses?”
“Here’s the coloring book.”
That’s not how it would end. She wouldn’t get the coloring book. But eventually we gave in and she did start acquiring that stuff again. At some time we thought we could counteract the Princesses. We introduced her to Veggie Tales, Dora, Strawberry Shortcake, Care Bears, Hello Kitty (I will never understand why someone finds princesses better than Hello Kitty. She is the best. The. End.), and many other characters. Her desire was always for the Princesses.
Now she knows practically everything about them. What is starting to bother me is that she’s starting to emulate them. Wanting to be more like them. For a while when she would put on a nightgown with a stretchy neck, she’d pull it off one shoulder and walk around with her head tilted towards that shoulder. And look at us with batting eyes. I would promptly ask her to
“cover your shoulder, girls don’t dress like that.”
“So and so Princess does.”
“You’re not So and so Princess.”
We could live with that because there ain’t no way she’s exiting the house while under my supervision with a shoulder bare like that (visualize me doing the three snap). Unless she’s got a part in some 80s theater production and has on a super baggy sweatshirt and some type of covering underneath.
BUT NOW!!! THE REASON I’M BABBLING ON!!! Just the other night, after her dance recital, she had a friend spend the night. They were getting ready for bed in the bathroom and this is what I heard:
Reagan: “Do you know who my boyfriend is?”
Friend: “Who?”
R: “E****. It used to be S****, and then P****, but now it’s E****.”
F: Crickets
R: “I’d so kiss him. I really would. I really would kiss him.”
WHAT!!??!!??!!?? Where is she getting this stuff from?!?!? It took a couple of days to process. It’s from the freaking Princess characters. And Barbie, she’s not off the hook either. They all are lost in some way. They all need to be saved. They all find their knight in shining armor (or however he may be dressed). And they all kiss in the end with that stupid look of love between them. And what I’m just beginning to realize is this:
You can’t really tell how old the princesses are can you!?!? Or Barbie…
NO, you can’t. The only one, I believe, who mentions her age is Ariel. Disobeying her father at a ripe old age of 16. All of these Princesses look young and girls can totally see themselves playing the part. In fact, mentally picturing all of them, I couldn’t place an age on any of them. Heck, I could see myself playing the part. Girls are learning, ever so subtly, that at their young age they should be finding their one true love and kissing them and getting married.
I don’t think Reagan knows what she means when she says that she really would kiss this boy. She sees Mommy and Daddy kiss and hug, mind you not enough, but I doubt she actually has the moxie to go up and kiss a boy that she doesn’t even have the guts to tell that he’s her boyfriend. How do I know that? Sunday School. You know, the place they’re supposed to go and learn about Jesus? Reagan told a friend that E**** was her boyfriend. So this girl marches right up to him and tells him. His reaction. Nothing. I’m so glad.
So, what’s a Mom and Dad to do? We’re so deep into Princesses and Barbie. Will nightly conversations about this remedy the situation? Will banning the stuff with zero tolerance starting now work? Where is Dr. Dobson when you want to have a heart to heart with him right on the living room sofa? Pray for us please. And seriously, give suggestions.
Filed under: Blog, Deep Thoughts, Family, Girly Girl | Tagged: growing up too quickly, princesses, true love
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I’m so glad I have boys….
I don’t think I’d even know what to do with the whole princess thing. Of course, with boys, you have the superhero stuff. Alex goes through phases where he thinks he’s Spiderman, Superman… even Darth Vader and he isn’t even a hero!
Don’t worry too much about Barbie and the Princesses. Not when you have frog porn to contend with!
(Sorry, I didn’t even comment on that one ’cause I couldn’t keep a straight face.)
Seriously, leverage her interest in the princesses. Why fight City Hall? Just start telling your own princess stories to her. In your stories, she’s not a sex object or subservient or even silly. She is strong, sophisticated and upright (in more ways than one.)
Go ahead … tell me I don’t have kids.
My 2 1/2 year old has a table and chairs with Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell is so scantily clad my daughter calls her “nakey nake”, which is our term for naked. I agree with you these Disney characters are trouble.
Disney has never been as family friendly as they like to portray themselves. The sexualizing of 6-year-olds. Wait . . . I have pre-schoolers in my art classes talking about their “boyfriends”. Mind, they think kissing is gross. That, at least, is a relief. Still, I wonder what their mommies would think? I try to explain that boyfriends are not for until you’re, like 30 or thereabouts, but I don’t think they listen to me. (sigh)
I don’t know. You already homeschool, don’t you? Maybe some serious talk about what is really valuable in a woman. If, God forbid, they grown up not to be drop-dead gorgeoso like Princess So and So, they’re going to be very unhappy. It’s a serious problem. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I really think it is. We have to be careful what sorts of messages we allow society to plant in our children, and this is a bad message. Also very difficult to get rid of.
Little girls want to be girls (well, most of them). What if you spend some time teaching her girly things, like maybe “fancy” desserts or some simple sewing with frills. If you can find something to distract her, that would be good. Preferably something that doesn’t involve a television. The little girls love my art classes. Maybe you have something similar available in your area–like an after school thing? There are courses available designed for homeschoolers especially for young girls. Something like that might help to get her attention away from those princesses.
God’s Patience and Grace to you,
Cindy
those freaking princesses. i have nothing helpful. but i hope you get it all worked out.
Ditto to what Kelly said. Other than dressing up in the various playclothes/dresses, we have no love for the Princesses in this house. My girls are all into Scooby…which leads directly to the occult (witches, ghosts, etc.–The Mystery Inc. Gang deals with the dark side, you know!), so there you go…if it’s not one thing, it’s the other.
But seriously…Reagan saying, “I’d so kiss him” cracks me up.
Leigh Anne: Don’t forget Scooby Snacks…what were those anyway, really?
Hang tough mom, this too shall pass.
We will pray you through it!!!
My daughter is nearly six and loves the Princesses. It is mostly a clothes and accessory thing that dressing her in blues and greens as a baby and toddler did not seem to effect in the least.
I am more bothered by the skanky clothing choices in the stores than by Princesses though. I don’t think we can stop girls from being girls or from being sexual beings. I can remember being madly in love at the ripe old age of 5 with an adorable boy with huge brown eyes and long lashes (and I am fairly certain I had never seen a Disney princess prior).
I think the key is balance. Coupling is a normal desire in humans but we need to consciously point out to our girls that the only one who can make life a “happily ever after” thing is them. They must chart their course and not wait for some white knight to do it for them.
We’ve been in princess mode for nearly nine years. Even though my oldest is growing out of that phase, my youngest is just entering into it. How about focusing on what’s positive about the princesses? Aren’t they all strong, courageous, and independent girls – Mulan? Belle? Ariel?
I agree with what anniegirl says. There are worse things than princesses (just wait a few more years!). All you can do, though, is try to instill in your children what you believe is right. I don’t think the answer is to ban princesses. I try to ban sweets from the house but at the first opportunity, my children will gorge themselves on cookies and ice cream.
Everything in moderation.
Ugh. I share the SAME frustration. I suppose I’m hoping it will pass, like any other phase.
Thank goodness Scooby is a close contender for her affection. I’d choose that mutt over a princess any day.
AMen Sister!–We used the Princesses to teach “discernment”-although I was told I taught my girls to be “judgmental” when another mom overheard my 4 year-old say that Barbie was dressed naughty! We did things like “which one is dressed the way God would like?” “Why does she bare her shoulder like that?” etc etc–My girl (who loved Esmerelda (shudder)) changed very quickly and began looking at her own clothing w/o prompting–Barbie was also banished to the attic–the conclusions were all their own–I can remember helping them help Barbie dress better-then my 12 yo said-Barbie is all about the clothes anyway mom-why keep this up??
Now my smallest ones are all boys-and the issues are personal safety-”no-you can’t parachute from the swingset with a wal-mart bag!”
Great blog–I’ll be back!
Thank you for the great post. I’m a child development specialist and I often focus on girls. It’s frustrating to raise girls when media keeps telling them that they need to look a certain way in order to get attention.
I’ve got several ideas but let’s start here. Ask her what she loves about the princesses. You may be surprised. There are always things we like and dislike about friends and other people in our lives– but we don’t shut them out even if we don’t agree with them.
Find something that you like about those princesses– do they have determination and go after something they really want? Do they have goals and dreams? Do they have nice singing voices? Do they show that they’re good friends to their friends? Start focusing on the positive. Praise what you like.
You can also be very straightforward about what you don’t like about them so that your daughter is clear about your values. Since I write a character curriculum and advise parents on instilling values in their children, I often talk about modeling and discussing what you would like to see in your children.
If she knows what you like and what you don’t like, you might be surprised the next time you pass by the bathroom filled with girls– she may just say something like “I like that she’s good to her friends but she doesn’t always dress the way she should.” Let me know how it goes.
Some articles that may get you thinking:
http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/2008/05/14/beyonce%e2%80%99s-sesame-street-walkers-bootylicious-babes-or-pimped-out-preemies/
http://kissmyassets.wordpress.com/2008/02/29/children-and-body-image-6-tips-to-help-your-child-cope-with-feeling-fat/
http://wordpress.com/tag/body-image-articles/
Also– would love to repost on one of my blogs. Get in touch and let me know if it’s OK. So many Moms feel the same way and I love your question.
Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman
http://www.DrRobynsBlog.com
All I can say is I’m glad I’ve got boys and just have to deal with the Power Ranger craze!
I do like the suggestion that someone gave of making up your own princess stories!
Oh Vicki…you are so gonna be famous. You and your “I’d so kiss him” daughter. I’m still laughing.
[...] following article is a guest post from Vicki, a parent, just like you, who just wants what’s best for her child. As Powerful Parents who know [...]
[...] following article is a guest post from Vicki, a parent, just like you, who just wants what’s best for her child. As Powerful Parents who know [...]
My response will be different as I have teenage girls who loved the princesses when they were young.
Here’s the thing. Every little girl wants to be a princess of some sort. Whether she is Joan of Arc or Belle, they all want to have something that is desirable about them. Not desire in the sexual/physical sense, but desire in the sense of having something special about them. Women bear the beauty of God, therefore we want to be found beautiful. Princesses are beautiful to a little girl. They represent beauty. Your little girl doesn’t want to be like them, she wants to bear beauty. It’s part of our DNA as women. Eve was created in a beautiful garden. She was stunning to look at. She was the beauty of God personified.
My girls loved the Princesses when they were little. They are now 21 and 18. They are stunning women. You can see a picture of them on my blog. Here’s the thing you have to be careful of. It’s that you don’t allow fear to take you to control.
It chokes the life out.
Yes, you want your daughters to be modest. Yes you want them to know the difference… So in a Godly way you teach them what is appropriate and inappropriate. The Spirit of God directs us in gentleness and love. Realize that her behavior of pulling the shirt off her shoulders is not out of ungodliness or a warped sense of sexuality, to her, it’s beauty.
She is a princess of the Most High God….a daughter of the King. In my opinion she should love princesses, she is one. Talk to her about that. “You are a princess of the greatest King of all times.” “Here’s how He desires your beauty to be displayed.” Tell her of her beauty and then teach her how to bear His beauty.
Try not to freak out about these things. Trust me I have been there. Ask God to show you how to speak life and love into those places. Look at the desire behind the desire. Let me explain. When she pulls her shirt off of her shoulders, her desire is not to be sexual, but to be beautiful, to bear beauty.
When she talks of wanting to give a boy a kiss, she’s not wanting to be “loose”, she’s wanting to experience love. All of these desires are natural, God-given desires. They are not out of the ordinary, but it’s not time for her to kiss, nor does she need to wear her shirt off of her shoulder. It’s an opportunity for you to teach her what really matters. “A kiss is a special gift God made for a husband and a wife.” “He wants us to save that gift for our husbands”.
Recognize her desires, to bear beauty, to be loved…and give love.
Take a deep breath…. listen to God’s heart… follow His lead.
Hope this helps.
Julie
I dunno. My daughter’s 8 and she was really into the princesses as well but has just recently grown out of them. She also plays with Barbies.
I don’t think it’s anything to get upset over. I keep my daughter’s clothes modest. No belly bearing (unless it’s a bathing suit) and no off the shoulder (unless it’s Halloween) and I teach her that inner beauty is more important.
I think as long as you guide her in the direction you’d like her to go, you’ll be fine. If you become overbearing (or too lax) in your approach, it has the makings of disaster written all over it.
I guess moderation is the key.
Have you let her watch Shrek? It’s a princess-ish movie, and it has a good message at the end: beauty isn’t everything. It also subtly makes fun of all the typical princess movies.
I wouldn’t take the princess things away from her, because she will only want them more. Instead, try to get her interested in other things, like sports or dance classes or gymnastics. I would encourage her to pick out new movies at the rental store, different books at the library, and be open to new things. I wouldn’t force it, but I would say, “You can watch The Little Mermaid, but I’m going to pick up The Wizard of Oz, too, and we’ll watch it together tonight. It’ll be fun.”
I can see why you’re worried! I wouldn’t know whether to laugh or stare in disbelief if my daughter pulled her shoulder out of her shirt and batted her eyes! Good luck!
HI. Found your blog via SITS. Happy SITS day, by the way.
I think that it’s normal for a little girl to fall in love with the princesses. I think all kids emulate what grown-ups do. When we were kids, didn’t we all want to grow up faster than our bodies would let us?
I think it’s okay to have all the Princess/Barbie stuff. Just remind her that YOU are the boss, and even if Barbie or Belle or Ariel does it, it doesn’t mean she can do it. Same thing for her friends. If Susie gets to wear make up to school, can she? Hell no, not if you say no.
I think the very best thing to do is just to make sure she understands between pretend and real. God is real. Jasmine is not. Kissing is real. Children having boyfriends & girlfriends is not. The Bible is real. Spongebob is not. You get the picture. Also, secondly important, is making sure she knows who makes the rules. e.g. “Yes you may have a Cinderella nightgown. No you may not wear it to school.”
Good luck. Your daughter is lucky to have a mommy who cares for her so much!
I love this post because I am just now starting the princess phenomenon with daughter #1.
I think that I will probably take the same approach as Julie and Texan Mama. Real vs. Not Real and Daughter of the Most High vs. Disney.
Thanks for posting this!
Don’t worry. Princesses aren’t all that’s getting into their pretty sparkly pink heads. I have two daughters, now aged 21 and 17. They both love princesses (in fact, the older one is named Sarah). The younger one’s “signature color” is pink and they both adore sparkly things. I can say this without worry because that is just the fun, silly, girly side of them. They are both well grounded strong Christian young women. They have been involved in serious, structured Bible Study for over 10 years. They are following their own path with The Lord and are extremely active in their churches. God has, in fact, called them both to Music Ministry. Girls can be girly, adore pink sparkly things and be godly women.
Blessings,
Renee (after I do Bible Study, I may go sparkly something! lol)
Hi there-
Thought you might like this– regarding Dove Self Esteem Fund and how to explain real beauty to your daughter!
http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/2008/11/04/dr-robyn-is-guest-editor-for-dove-self-esteem-fund/
Talk to you soon!
Dr. Robyn
[...] all get frustrated at times with our children. It can be exhausting. It can push mothers and fathers to their limits. On [...]
http://ladyfi.wordpress.com
As far as I understand from educationalists, nearly ALL girls go through a very glitter, princess, girlie stage… It’s part of growing up, I guess. Quite soon, they grow out of it and into another stage… My sister’s daughter was so very princessy at 6 and by 9 she had thrown out every pink garment she owned.
I have a much much bigger problem with Barbie and dolls like that – they are strictly forbidden in our house because no girl or woman looks like that! They give young girls a completely wrong view of the female body and what females are all about.
The princess myth also has some less desirable values – but there are a lot of cool princesses out there who kick ass, are independent and do lots of non-girlie things too.
uh, i think all girls like princesses, what’s you gonna do. they just have more of them now. all i know is my daughter and all her cousins constantly fight over which princess they are, it’s pretty funny. but she just announced the other day she doesn’t like pink anymore. what??? yeah, no more pink and nothing bedazzled.
[...] a celebrity have a right to gain weight? Or must she retain the highly sexualized thin image that looks to unattainable in real life? And, if it’s the latter, how [...]
[...] Posted on January 30, 2009 by Dr. Robyn You probably remember our back and forth discussion with Vicki regarding “The Disney Princesses are Sexualizing My Daughter.” Here’s someone [...]
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Came over here from Finding Atman and saw the link on the sidebar… I’m learning here! My 3-yo is getting into the Princess thing and it’s all freaking me out. Saying she wants to get married and all this nonsense. Crazy thing? It started before she even saw Cinderella.
My new thing is embracing it and embellishing. What does Cinderella study at school? I think Cinderella would make a good animal doctor, don’t you?
Anyway, just to commiserate. Thanks.
I know how you feel! My daughter was talking about boys she was going to marry before she got into the princesses. I’m not sure where all that came from! And the funny thing is she doesn’t do it any more. Maybe there haven’t been any worthy boys in the last two places we’ve lived…’cause she better still be talking to me about this stuff!
We gave in and let her watch the movies, play with the dress up, etc. We wouldn’t let her drop one sleeve off her shoulder and bat her eyes though. At about six and a half she lost the obsessive fascination and now has a “normal” relationship with the princesses. Unfortunately though, Barbie has stepped in to fill the void. She doesn’t play much with the dolls, but she loves watching the movies. And those bother me too as there is always Barbie and a prince falling in love. I think I mentioned that in the post.
Anyway, all this to say, I think you’re doing a great thing by bringing out the positive in what she likes. I went so far as to create a Bible study that would walk Reagan through each character and match her actions and character traits up with women of the Bible. Sad thing is she lost interest in the princesses before I finished. I guess I could still go through it with her though.
Keep up the good work, and thanks for commiserating
V
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